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I have this night to last me for all eternity if needs be and I cannot find it within my soul to regret one moment of it. We shall do as we have always done—the right thing—for we can do no less. It is not in our natures to act otherwise." He breathed into her ear.She shook her head and frowned though he could not see it."Cadmus, I need to hear you speak your oath," her voice no longer pleading, but hard and commanding.His brow furrowed and he swung her around to face him. His hands clamped. I held Em’s hand and she held Mom’s. On the far side, I could see that Dad simply had his head bowed with tears dripping from his eyes.Christmas without Peyton. It just didn’t seem right.I remembered her words a year and a half ago at her birthday. “I’m going to change the world so people don’t have to be separated from the ones they love.”Oh, little angel. How much I feel the separation between us now.I realized I didn’t believe in God anymore. If he was there, he was irrelevant. I promised my. I knew the problem, but I wished I didn’t. I was about to get the “I’m not your mother” response, possibly followed by a lecture later that evening about how I needed to take more responsibility. I felt embarrassed about having asked. She brushed me aside and pushed the drawer shut, and then opened the one where she kept her vast collection of bras and panties. It was a smorgasbord of colors and trimmings, with every clothing material known to man, from the most natural of cotton to the most. Ann wasted no time insisting that I get a job to help pay for everything. Still, our sex life never recovered; if I had to guess I would say we did 'it' maybe once a month, with almost two years being our longest dry spell when Ann came down with the cancer.Was I bitter? Yes. Was I happy? With my children most definitely; with Ann, the more time passed the angrier she became with me, the more she started yelling. Did I want to leave her? No, but I think that was because I was afraid I would.
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